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Warcraft Wonders Tomorrow

Author: inwowgold Source: http://www.inwowgold.com

The new World of Warcraft expansion is just around the corner, and people are atwitter with anticipation. Two new playable races! A whole new continent! Flying mounts! So many things to argue about! Some players are already composing long screeds about which of the new races sucks more, leaving places to fill in details as they become available.

The expansion is called "The Burning Crusade," which sounds like a U2 album. The new races are the Dranei -- which sounds like Greek for "plumbers" -- and the Blood Elves, which sound like the coolest thing ever if you're 14. The new continent is called Outland, which would sound goofy even if it wasn't a failed comic strip. The flying mounts are called Nether Drakes, which sounds like some sort of fetish that didn't exist before the web, probably involving Donald Duck and crotchless panties.

Anyhow, I'm the sort of fellow who looks to the future, because the future is where I'll be able to buy a car that runs on funnel cake batter. So I'm less interested in what's in this expansion than in what's going to be in the next few expansions. Here are my predictions.

More Elves
Elves are apparently an easy sale in fantasy adventure land. I don't really understand this, but apparently a lot of skinny, pale, smug bookworms want to pretend to be skinny, pale, smug magical bookworms. At least Ron Weasley goes out for sports. We've already got Blood Elves and Night Elves, so apparently the trick is to pick some spooky goth word and put "elves" after it. Crypt Elves! Absinthe Elves! Mascara Elves!

Another Faction
Right now, there are two main groups, the Alliance and the Horde, which roughly correspond to "good" and "evil," although when most of your quests involve committing murder for a bribe, the moral distinction becomes tricky. I suggest they give us a third faction, the "apathetic" faction. The group's quests will all involve posting on message boards about how both sides are equally stupid and there's no point in trying because frankly demons are going to invade our dimension whether or not we do anything so everyone should just quit whining, except for people who are whining about how everyone's whining. When you get to level 70, someone creates a Wikipedia article about you.

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